The First Day I Didn't Get A Migraine

!!!!!!

I don't know if it was because I subconsciously was more relaxed than the other clinical days? Was it because I really tried to stay hydrated? Ate a snack? Took some ibuprofen BEFORE the crippling headache started? I DON'T KNOW. But it was wonderful.

The day was actually pretty good, too. I mean, I'm still as clueless as ever, but our patient got discharged last night and so we got to shadow the two RNs on the floor. It was really interesting and extremely helpful to get to see what their days are actually like!

Now about RNs. They are not only psychic and can simultaneously anticipate what the patient needs and any of my stupid questions, but apparently they have bionic hearing too? I felt about a half hour behind everything she did, lol. She would overhear me talking to a patient (6 doors down? wha??) and come speeding in with whatever the patient wanted or needed before I even had time to turn around and leave the room.

I have to laugh at myself again, for my cluelessness. She asked me to get her "Some petroleum jelly, a bag of saline, two secondaries and a primary." and like the faithful little retriever dog I am, I nodded and walked purposefully off to the supply room... On the way realizing... What the fuck are secondaries and primaries? I REALLY didn't want to have to go back and ask her so I scoured the room for anything with those words on it. Lol. And then I realized I didn't know what size saline?? So I just grabbed whatever bag looked similar to the one she had. Oh yeah and it took me like ten freaking minutes to find the jelly. Holy God I felt like such an idiot! But I managed to bring it back within the half hour and she didn't even ask why it took me so long. Bless her.

I asked her how long it took for this feeling to end. She laughed and said about six months after she first started working.    0.0   I'm going to feel this lost for that long!    *cries*   And she added not to lose hope, that your brain will be complete mush for the first year and that's normal.    *cries again*

I have this extreme perfectionistic streak in me that I have got to let go of if I'm going to make it through nursing school! Yes, I am going to look like a moron 99% of the time. Yes, I am going to make a lot of mistakes. Most of them really stupid. Yes, I am going to be embarrassed and awkward probably for quite some time. And I just need to accept that! Trying to be "perfect" is completely outside of the world of possibilities and trying to aim for that is just going to make me lose my mind.

SO, in an effort to finally accept these facts I've decided that if I leave on Fridays intact and not on some sort of anti-psychotic med, that the week was a success. THAT will be my new goal, lol, not my previous goal of 'Try not to be clueless.'