Week In Review... Yesterday, especially.

Yesterday was a pretty darn good day! I actually accomplished most everything I wanted to! That NEVER happens.

Clinicals went great like Thursday. I just can't tell you how much better it feels to have a clue. I mean, I still don't know what I'm doing, but now I feel like I have a shot in hell at figuring it out one day. Dude, nursing/school is hard!

I drank tons of water, which I've really been trying to work on lately. A couple of my girlfriends and I had a girl's date night scheduled and I knew there would be lots of delicious, greasy food and definitely some alcohol involved, so I hate super healthy all day to kind of counter-balance. I think I did pretty decently: Oatmeal for breakfast, granola bar after clinicals, exercised, had only veggies/fruits for lunch (carrots, broccoli, grapes and a banana) and only ate half my cheeseburger/fries at dinner and had only one Long Island Iced Tea (well, they call it a Texas Tea, but it's the same thing) and only like a third of the fried pickles we shared. Hey, I know that still sounds like a lot, but sadly it is an improvement from my usual when I go out :) It's a good thing I don't go out that much!

I know this probably sounds like an excuse and you should always try to health-ify your meals, but I genuinely don't mind going out and eating something awful and greasy every now and again! Never doing it really would be better, but I don't like to feel like eating healthy is a punishment and if I don't splurge once in a while, it ends up feeling that way.

Now about my other goals: Do homework, follow calendar, eat healthy, exercise at least 2x/wk, meditate, hubby time, listening, facebook hiatus.

I did okay. Again. Slowlyyyy getting better and making those lifestyle changes. It's an arduous process changing your habits!

          I didn't get even half as much of the crap that I wanted to, but I really can't point to any one day and go "I really could have done more," or "I was really lazy." I'm starting to wonder why I can't reach this goal?? Are my standards to high?? I'll think about it this week and get back to you.
          Did check my calendar regularly and follow that as best as I was able (aside from the school work.)
          Ate quite healthy this week and I'm very proud of myself. It wasn't a perfect week, as I said about yesterday, and on Tuesday I did have a cocktail with my husband which was not healthy in the least, but all in all. I made vast improvement :) Still working on keeping a journal.
          Exercised once, yesterday, but it's a start! I have to say being at the hospital is such  a motivation to be active. I see all of these people who either can't because of a health issue, or they're having health issues because they're inactive. Either way, realizing how luck I am inspires me to try to reach for my full potential.
          Didn't meditate every day... Or any day... At all. :/ I want to say I was just "too busy", but I know that's not an excuse. SOMEWHERE in my busy days I KNOW I could have carved out 5 minutes to sit and be calm and reflective.
          I think my hubby and I took a big step towards trying to spend more time together and really being present during that time. We had a long talk about it and I was able to say how I felt and he said how he felt. I feel like now we really understand what we need from each other during these next couple years of school.
          I think I'm getting slightly better about the whole listen more, talk less thing. I still talk wayyy too much, but when I do, half the time it is asking about other people. Though it still isn't ONLY listening, I feel like I'm in a good place with it.
          I did bad with facebook. I didn't spend whole hours on it or anything (yep, done it before...), but that time could have been better spent meditating or reading.

So there's my week! I'm so glad I started this blog, well I think of it more as a journal, but either way, I feel like it really gives me an opportunity to hold myself accountable and reflect on my life. Though I know it must be boring as hell to others! :) I think I'm okay with it. Ain't no shame in doing things just for yourself.

babiesbabiesbabies

I don't know what it is, but over the last six months (bear in mind, I've only been married a year...) I've really had babies on the brain! I'm still in my early 20's and have so much more I want to do before babies, but I just can't stop thinking about them. I thought once nursing school started it would clear up, but no! I mean, I do think about it less due to less brain cell availability, but I still think about it. A lot.

Does that even make sense? Wanting a baby and not wanting a baby at the same time?? Luckily I can guarantee my logical self is going to win this argument. We are absolutely, 100% waiting until after school to even really broach the subject. But even though logically I know the time is not now, it doesn't make the desire go away. Ah, to be a man and have my emotions make sense... 

So, to remind myself, every time I get into a baby craze (if my husband doesn't, that is lol) I've created a Bucket Crib List? Diaper Pale List? Eh, you get the idea. A-List-of-Shit-I-Should-Do-Before-Popping-Out-Babies.

It is as follows:

Buy a house.

Furnish said house to my liking. I'm not going to have extra time or money to decorate a house with a new baby!

Get my ASN (program I'm currently in.)

Pay those loans off.

Save for getting my BSN.

Get my BSN!

Spend time being cute and couple-y with my husband. One of us has always been in school for the entire length of our relationship. It'd be nice to just go to work and go home and have a life for a change! Not have to go home and study for hours on end. 

Establish an untouchable savings account of at least 3 months expenses, just in case. I know we should already have one now, but letmetellyou, cops do NOT get paid enough and school is WAY too expensive.

Travel! So many places, I won't even get into naming them all right now.

Be debt-free. Currently all of our debt consists of a $70 balance on my Target card and my student loans, but in case we accrue more, I want to be straightened out before we bring a baby into the equation.

Get cracking on that list of passions I want to pursue!

I'm sure there's more. But that's the gist. I know life doesn't end when you have a baby, but having all that accomplished really would make the transition easier. And more importantly, would allow us to secure a better future for that child. 

If I'm honest with myself and really think about how long this could all take, that puts me at maybe 27, at the earliest, when we start really thinking about children. And that puts the hubby at nearly 30. I don't particularly like the thought of waiting that long, but it'll be worth the wait :) Plus there is so much more fun to be had while we're young and carefree! I just need to remember that.

Passions...

Otherwise known as, things I wish I had time for and maybe will once I'm out of school?? In no particular order, just how they come to mind.

• I want to learn how to play the sax... Well, better. Taught myself a few years ago and didn't keep with it. I have absolutely no muscle tone in my jaw to play reed instruments anymore :/
• Learn how to play the piano. Probably my number one! Well, tied with learning Spanish and German...
• Learn German. My husband is fluent and I would love to be able to take part in teaching our future children. Also some of his family doesn't know English and it would be so much easier to get to know them if I didn't have to have everything interpreted. 
• Learn Spanish - I live in Texas. It would make my life and other's lives so much easier!
• Pick up the clarinet, again. Was first chair for most of my school career and then stopped to play tennis.
• Play some jazz
• Finally learn how to use my computer and compile my own versions of said jazz music (see above) with my newly acquired piano, clarinet and sax skills
• Play competitive tennis again
• Figure out that whole knitting thing. My mother-in-law attempted to teach me, but I kept forgetting key parts!
• Be an RN. And a good one, at that.
• Get a master's in nutrition?
• Paint. All the time. Perhaps naked and on the balcony of a white southern mansion circa 1945. Oh, wait, that's a scene from the Notebook. But really, I do love to paint. It's too bad I don't have much talent for it.
• Maybe draw a little, too.
• Listen to NPR Science Friday. All day, every Friday.
• Finally get on all those ideas for books. And FINISH them!
• Travel. Anywhere. Everywhere.
• Visit my friends in other cities, states and countries. 
• Read all sacred religious texts. Read most of the bible (the new unerring word of god, not the old one that used to be the unerrant word of god, but we changed our minds...), but there is so much more to see! It's like a little glimpse into the psyche of different cultures at different points in history. Just fascinating.
• Read every book in the world. Because you know, that's totally possible. And I'm sure I'd like everyyy single one. (Side Note: Worst books ever and proof I will not like every book ever? The Yearling and Moby Dick. Ew.)

As you can see, my problem is I enjoy doing too many things. How can I fit it all into one lifetime?

Also, when you dabble in everything, you don't end up good at anything! lol. I'm mediocre at best in a select few and mostly suck at everything else. But hey, like my past post said, perfection isn't what matters, enjoyment is!

Okay, so I removed my rant about my stupid neighbors. I vented and it's over! I will remain patient and be the bigger person. You're welcome world.

Last night was a very fun evening. I really wish I could have gotten some hard-core studying in, but so life goes. Back in May, I bought my mother-in-law, sister-in-law and (step-)Mom (whom I consider to be a true mother figure, step or otherwise) tickets to a basic wine tasting course. We've been trying and trying to make the time and hadn't been able to till now! So studying be damned, sometimes life is a little more important :)

I picked everyone op, we drove the hour out to the beautiful Texas Hill Country and arrived at this beautiful place that was a lot more modern looking than I expected. I'm not really sure what I expected, but apparently this wasn't it! There was a neighboring ranch with ponies, llamas, cattle and donkeys just hanging out and observing people. It was really cute.

The wine tasting was a lot of fun and veryyy tasty. They taught what the different aspects of the wine meant. Like the opacity indicates age or slurping can actually help you identify differing, complex notes. The lady directing the class did a great job of speaking slow enough where we all really got what she was saying, but not so slow it was boring. It was a fun, friendly atmosphere.

After the tasting we sat outside for just a bit, went over to see the animals and chatted. Then headed to a DELISH local Italian restaurant.  You never know what could unfold when you bring two different families together, but it went off without a hitch and a fun time was had by all.

After I dropped off my mother- and sister-in-law, I went back to my Mom's and had coffee. My sisters weren't there and my brother was off in his lair doing his own thing, so I got some unusual one-on-one (well, one-on-two) time with my parents. It was so nice. I really appreciated the time. We talked about what was going on in our lives, I talked about school, my dad talked about his business. We talked religion and politics in a philosophical way, which I thoroughly enjoy. We talked about the past, present and future and I really appreciated it.

It made me very aware of how time flies and how the time we get with each other really is very precious! Even though I almost have to check out of life for these next two years of nursing school, I can't check out completely. And I have to be aware of what I'm actually sacrificing and really try not to sacrifice too much. Balance is important.

God, I can't wait till I'm done with this school chapter. And I get to have a life! And do normal people things. Cannot. Freaking. Wait.

Sigh. But I know that time will come.

Anyways, we stayed up till 2am talking and laughing. I got home not too long after, showered and hit the hay.

And today... Well, I have had a very productive day today... Especially in light of the fact that I have clinical paperwork to do and seven chapters to read. Um, NOT. :D

I slept in until 10am. Woops... Spent nearly an hour eating breakfast and watching two episodes of How I Met Your Mother. Then top-to-bottom sanitized, cleaned and re-organized the fridge for an hour. Then went on the computer and watched funny pet videos for an hour and then I watched/cried about animal rescue videos for an hour.

On a totally off topic branching of this post:

Animals really do touch my heart.
I want to save them all.
The fact that some animals are born and suffer their whole lives just hurts my soul.
I just can't stand it sometimes.
Helping them is probably the most important, special goal in my life.

To me, getting through nursing school is what will enable me to help these animals.
Once I am an RN and have a job and we can get financially stable,
options open up. You have the money and the resources and time to actually make a difference.
It will still be hard, but even if I can only help one dog or cat at a time, saving one life is worth all of the struggle.

Unfortunately in the mean time, with a 70 hour school week between class, studying and clinicals, I don't get to help much. But I do what I can. Help find homes. Try to donate here and there, even if it's only a little time or a little money. But it's all that I can give.

And one day, maybe I'll reach my dreams of having my own rescue. And maybe, if I'm really lucky, I can be an advocate politically for them too.






Anyways, I'm pretty sure this was by far my most disjointed, strange and wandering post yet. And I'm almost sorry, but I'm glad that I'm putting all of this stuff down uninhibited. I like being able to look back. Also, I like to use these entries as a kind of therapy. I can't really understand why writing with no intention for others to read it makes me feel better, but it really does.