Done with my first clinicals of nursing school.

Yay! And after Tuesday and Wednesday (fourth test and final) I'll be done with my first class of nursing school, Foundations and on to Commons!

As excited as I am, some days,  I wonder what the heck I got myself into... How am I ever going to learn all this? Two years (well 1 year and 7 months now!) is too long AND too short all at once!

And then I think about how things will be once I graduate (and I'm assuming, pass the NCLEX :D)... I'll actually get to do something that I love for a living! And of course making some good money doesn't hurt, either. I'll be able to have a normal life again- Have a job, see my husband once in a while, not always be broke, have babies, get a house, see my friends, travel! Ahh, the good life.

Everyone has to start somewhere, right? And I'm sure the time will go by faster than I think....

But still, siiiiiigh.

I'm already tired of school being my life and it's only been 8 weeks. Though, to be fair, I've been in school for 3 and a half years prior to starting nursing school and let's just say it's getting old being a student. I can't really put my finger on exactly what took me so long. Partially because I switched majors after a year, partially because I was working two jobs for a while and couldn't take a full load, partially because I took extra classes that I didn't need like an idiot.

And after all this I will just have gotten my associate's and have another year working on my bachelor's online!! If you added up all that time I could have had a master's by then! Some days I could just kick myself for that fact.

I know, I know. There's nothing I can do about it now, so why beat myself up about it? Still. Now that school is both hindering me from and my key to, doing the things I want to in life, it makes it difficult not to be annoyed with myself for all of that time wasted.

But in an effort to stick with the optimism and happiness that I began this post with (How did this post about getting through my first class of nursing school turn into a sad story about taking wayy too long to get through college?) because of my mistakes from the past, I will NEVER make them again and I  now have the determination of a goat lol. (I am a Capricorn, too lol.)

GAH, now I'm all pissy with myself.

eioahwan392uhnaw;

Grumble.

Week In Review... Yesterday, especially.

Yesterday was a pretty darn good day! I actually accomplished most everything I wanted to! That NEVER happens.

Clinicals went great like Thursday. I just can't tell you how much better it feels to have a clue. I mean, I still don't know what I'm doing, but now I feel like I have a shot in hell at figuring it out one day. Dude, nursing/school is hard!

I drank tons of water, which I've really been trying to work on lately. A couple of my girlfriends and I had a girl's date night scheduled and I knew there would be lots of delicious, greasy food and definitely some alcohol involved, so I hate super healthy all day to kind of counter-balance. I think I did pretty decently: Oatmeal for breakfast, granola bar after clinicals, exercised, had only veggies/fruits for lunch (carrots, broccoli, grapes and a banana) and only ate half my cheeseburger/fries at dinner and had only one Long Island Iced Tea (well, they call it a Texas Tea, but it's the same thing) and only like a third of the fried pickles we shared. Hey, I know that still sounds like a lot, but sadly it is an improvement from my usual when I go out :) It's a good thing I don't go out that much!

I know this probably sounds like an excuse and you should always try to health-ify your meals, but I genuinely don't mind going out and eating something awful and greasy every now and again! Never doing it really would be better, but I don't like to feel like eating healthy is a punishment and if I don't splurge once in a while, it ends up feeling that way.

Now about my other goals: Do homework, follow calendar, eat healthy, exercise at least 2x/wk, meditate, hubby time, listening, facebook hiatus.

I did okay. Again. Slowlyyyy getting better and making those lifestyle changes. It's an arduous process changing your habits!

          I didn't get even half as much of the crap that I wanted to, but I really can't point to any one day and go "I really could have done more," or "I was really lazy." I'm starting to wonder why I can't reach this goal?? Are my standards to high?? I'll think about it this week and get back to you.
          Did check my calendar regularly and follow that as best as I was able (aside from the school work.)
          Ate quite healthy this week and I'm very proud of myself. It wasn't a perfect week, as I said about yesterday, and on Tuesday I did have a cocktail with my husband which was not healthy in the least, but all in all. I made vast improvement :) Still working on keeping a journal.
          Exercised once, yesterday, but it's a start! I have to say being at the hospital is such  a motivation to be active. I see all of these people who either can't because of a health issue, or they're having health issues because they're inactive. Either way, realizing how luck I am inspires me to try to reach for my full potential.
          Didn't meditate every day... Or any day... At all. :/ I want to say I was just "too busy", but I know that's not an excuse. SOMEWHERE in my busy days I KNOW I could have carved out 5 minutes to sit and be calm and reflective.
          I think my hubby and I took a big step towards trying to spend more time together and really being present during that time. We had a long talk about it and I was able to say how I felt and he said how he felt. I feel like now we really understand what we need from each other during these next couple years of school.
          I think I'm getting slightly better about the whole listen more, talk less thing. I still talk wayyy too much, but when I do, half the time it is asking about other people. Though it still isn't ONLY listening, I feel like I'm in a good place with it.
          I did bad with facebook. I didn't spend whole hours on it or anything (yep, done it before...), but that time could have been better spent meditating or reading.

So there's my week! I'm so glad I started this blog, well I think of it more as a journal, but either way, I feel like it really gives me an opportunity to hold myself accountable and reflect on my life. Though I know it must be boring as hell to others! :) I think I'm okay with it. Ain't no shame in doing things just for yourself.

Does this gown make my butt look big?

Actually, it kind of does. At least, I didn't think my butt was that big...

Such a stylish, sexy beast. I know :) 

Anyways, GREAT day at clinicals today. 

A) I wasn't a giant bundle of nerves. 

B) I'm finally getting into the swing of things. Where things are, who to ask, who to avoid, how to deal with patients, etc etc 

C) The staff - dare I say it - actually likes us now! 

That all combines to make for a great day :) Let's hope tomorrow goes just as smoothly!

Clinicals

Thursdays and Fridays are my clinical days.
In case I haven't mentioned it before, this is my first semester in Nursing School and that makes this my first clinical rotation. Me and 8 of my classmates (I have a class of 79, and they split us up into smaller groups at different hospitals and units.) are at the med-surg unit for 4 weeks and the oncology unit for one.

So I was in med-surg and will be for the remaining two weeks of the class, as I did my oncology rotation last week.

It was an interesting two days. Well, three really. Because on Wednesdays we go to our unit and pick our patients. You see who's available, ask their permission to be your victim and if they say yes, research their chart, condition and any other pertinent information you can get your hands on. That way you're prepared (or as much as you can be) for taking care of them. Normally Wednesdays are pretty short. It usually takes only about an hour to do what you need to do.

But of course, THIS Wednesday, our first picking our OWN patients - not assigned by faculty - THEY RAN OUT OF PATIENTS.

No joke.

You can choose your own time to pop in and pick and I chose to go a little later around 4pm (everyone else went around 1:30). My train of thought was by then, the docs and nurses would know pretty definitively who was going and who was staying. God forbid I do all of this work and research only for them to go home later that afternoon and have to do it all over again the next day! And for all intents and purposes, my plan worked. The problem was, everyone was leaving.

Yeah. When I got there at 4, two of the girls who had been there since 1:30 were STILL there! Just waiting to see if someone was either coming in from ER or not going to be discharged. And just our luck, exactly two were expected to. And if you've done the math that means three students and two patients.

Well, shit! I of course was going to let the other two get them. They've already been waiting two, coming up on three hours! I'm not going to swoop in and snatch the new patients! So I called my professor and she recommended coming back later, because in all likelihood all of those empty beds were going to be re-filled. So that's what I did. And at 7, back I come. The other two students are STILL THERE WAITING!! I had enough time to read a whole chapter while they were stuck here waiting! How cray cray is that?

Well, as luck would have it, at 8:30 when I think there is no hope and I don't know what I'm going to do, one of my classmates hears from an RN that there is another patient coming up from ER. And did I snatch that up faster than you can say FUCKTHISSHIT. So luckily, it all worked out, and I left around 9:15pm only to return at 6:45am. And the best part? I'm not even getting paid for this shit yet, lol. I'M paying THEM!

Turns out it was the first clinicals where I wasn't panicked and miserable all day, both days. I actually feel like I'm getting into the swing of things. Well, as much as possible, I mean I'm going to be clueless for quite some time, but at least I feel like I'm progressing like I should be. And that's all I want! I don't expect be the world's best RN the fourth week of school, but I do want to feel like I've got a handle on the objectives and situations expected of me!

Also, I think it helps that the staff is getting used to us and thus hating us a little less. Now that they know what our limits are, they are more comfortable asking us to do this or that and suddenly we went from 'annoying and in the way' (understandably so...) to the people they can shove all the easy, time consuming crap off on. And let me tell you: We are happy to do it. We want to be helpful and liked. And if that means helping with bedpans and bed baths, bring it on!

So all in all, a MUCH better experience than the last two weeks. THANK GOODNESS. I was getting worried there for a second, lol. Maybe this nursing school thing won't be SO bad, after-all.  Just marginally hellish is fine with me :) I'll let you know how next week goes!

The First Day I Didn't Get A Migraine

!!!!!!

I don't know if it was because I subconsciously was more relaxed than the other clinical days? Was it because I really tried to stay hydrated? Ate a snack? Took some ibuprofen BEFORE the crippling headache started? I DON'T KNOW. But it was wonderful.

The day was actually pretty good, too. I mean, I'm still as clueless as ever, but our patient got discharged last night and so we got to shadow the two RNs on the floor. It was really interesting and extremely helpful to get to see what their days are actually like!

Now about RNs. They are not only psychic and can simultaneously anticipate what the patient needs and any of my stupid questions, but apparently they have bionic hearing too? I felt about a half hour behind everything she did, lol. She would overhear me talking to a patient (6 doors down? wha??) and come speeding in with whatever the patient wanted or needed before I even had time to turn around and leave the room.

I have to laugh at myself again, for my cluelessness. She asked me to get her "Some petroleum jelly, a bag of saline, two secondaries and a primary." and like the faithful little retriever dog I am, I nodded and walked purposefully off to the supply room... On the way realizing... What the fuck are secondaries and primaries? I REALLY didn't want to have to go back and ask her so I scoured the room for anything with those words on it. Lol. And then I realized I didn't know what size saline?? So I just grabbed whatever bag looked similar to the one she had. Oh yeah and it took me like ten freaking minutes to find the jelly. Holy God I felt like such an idiot! But I managed to bring it back within the half hour and she didn't even ask why it took me so long. Bless her.

I asked her how long it took for this feeling to end. She laughed and said about six months after she first started working.    0.0   I'm going to feel this lost for that long!    *cries*   And she added not to lose hope, that your brain will be complete mush for the first year and that's normal.    *cries again*

I have this extreme perfectionistic streak in me that I have got to let go of if I'm going to make it through nursing school! Yes, I am going to look like a moron 99% of the time. Yes, I am going to make a lot of mistakes. Most of them really stupid. Yes, I am going to be embarrassed and awkward probably for quite some time. And I just need to accept that! Trying to be "perfect" is completely outside of the world of possibilities and trying to aim for that is just going to make me lose my mind.

SO, in an effort to finally accept these facts I've decided that if I leave on Fridays intact and not on some sort of anti-psychotic med, that the week was a success. THAT will be my new goal, lol, not my previous goal of 'Try not to be clueless.'