Spoke with my birth mom in the phone today. It was an all time shortest record: Under four hours. Sometimes I avoid calling (well most of the time) because who has five hours to talk on the phone every week? Also, we kind of talk about the same things over and over (both over time and during the same conversation). It's hard because she is so sweet and means so well, but keeping up with the crazy takes a lot of effort. And again, it's sweet, well-intended crazy, but still crazy.
However, today I've noticed a change. It's the first time we talked since Abby passed away and I had my enlightenment about people and my attitude. I noticed I was much better able to detach from the emotional strain of the conversation and having to keep up appearances so to speak (I lack a better explanation) and was able to really hear and understand what was going in behind the words.
When she says crazy or unlikely things, I see that she is a dreamer, trying to make that a reality in the only way available to her in this moment. Being a dreamer is probably the only reason she survived her childhood at all, even if slightly off.
I'm sure I'm describing her completely in accurately, but its just difficult for anyone to understand until they've seen it!
I explained about Chris' birthday and she was very understanding, even if I may have heard a slight tinge of disappointment. Very possibly from my paranoid imagination. All in all, a pretty successful conversation.
Towards the end, we discovered that we both thought of possibly starting writing letters since its so difficult to reach one another on the phone (my fault). I thought that was funny. I think that will be nice. Plus, how fun it is a few years down the line to look back at old letters??
Im happy with my internal attitude progress, but to continue enrichment I really ought to start meditating. Which I've been meaning to do for years now, but there is no time like the present!
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