A quote from The Simple Dollar, a blog essentially about getting more of what you want of out your finances. Often the posts, though related to finances, branch off into the interrelated topics that motivate our spending. And that's why I love it! I know I should save more, spend less, but there is so much more to how and why we spend our money.
How true is that quote, though? I mean, is the man right or is he right??
I am a perfectionist through and through and sometimes I feel like I miss out on experiences, happiness, improvement and many other things, because I'm too concerned with being perfect.
Nursing school is the perfect example (: . I am willing to bet that over half the time that I find myself really stressed/nervous/gettingamigraine/whatever it stems from my strange need to be "perfect" or pathologically trying avoid making a mistake. I worry that it causes me to miss out on jumping in there and getting my hands dirty and really seeing what the hell this nursing thing is all about.
Another good example is my wedding day. I had fun and it was a special day and all, but I really missed out on a lot, because I was too busy being upset that this or that "went wrong" and trying to "fix" it, instead of just saying "fuck it!" and go have a grand ol' time.
I think that needs to be added to my change list from my last entry.
Speaking of which, I've been noting my improvement here and there in a draft entry that I plan on posting at the end of the week. I was hoping to do brief, daily reflections on how things are going, but that's turned out to be a hilariously optimistic ideal. Just to give you an idea on the excess of time I've had this week, I didn't get home from the hospital until 9:15pm last night only to have to be back at 6:45am today -.- It was awesome. Especially considering I'm paying them and not the other way around. Yay, school.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Promise.
This last week I've really gotten behind in my studying!
I was ahead for so many weeks.
Then I slacked a little and was just doing things as they were assigned/needed.
And now I'm officially behind.
And it is a lot and all, but it is still completely my fault that I lost my lead.
I've been lazy
and procrastinating.
(((I know it's a bit ironic to talk about not procrastinating tomorrow, but today really is a lost cause.)))
I'm going to DO my stinking HOMEWORK! And I guess when I say this, I don't mean homework per se, I mean more like do the assigned readings BEFORE the lecture like I was. And finish my clinical paperwork the same night instead of three nights later right before it's due.
I'm going to follow my calendar. No more last minute re-working to make more time for procrastinating.
Eat healthy. I'm going to stop using food as a crutch for comfort because "I've had a hard day." Eating healthy is a must and if I'm going to be able to keep up with this grueling school schedule, I need to be nourished! Hydration will be a big priority and I'll use the My Plate guideline like I know I should (my nutrition professor would be proud), meaning half veggies and fruits and one quarter protein and one quarter carbs -Complex carbs, that is- oh and don't forget that dairy :) Milk with dinner from now on. Though, for the record, reasonable, nightly desserts will not be denied me.
Exercise. Twice a week minimum. I always mean to and I never do! I did well this summer, but since the semester began it's completely gone by the wayside. I always have all these excuses about why I won't or shouldn't, but the fact of the matter is, it's like a natural caffeine high! It'll help me stay awake during the day and fall asleep at a normal time at night. I don't have a gym membership and really want one (our local gym has a pool, which is my FAVE thing to do for exercise!) But it's expensive and I want to make sure I'm really going to use it (unlike my husband who has had his membership for 2 and a half years and hasn't gone in 2 of those -.-) before I go and shell out all this money. So, if I keep up working out at least 2 times a week (of course, the more often the better, but that's a good starting point) I will get a membership. In the meantime, running on the local middle school track or around the neighborhood (although, the pavement really hurts my joints) is free! Or calisthenics in my living room. Or I could start up Insanity again?? Though, I really think I want to wait and be a little more in shape than I am now to jump on that train again... Anyways...
Meditate when I get home from school or clinicals. I need to make sure I'm managing my stress levels to stay healthy and that's a great way to do it. Also, I think it will help me get centered and focused on what I need to accomplish for the evening or next day. I think I'll start with 5-10 minutes, probably setting my phone alarm in the beginning to make sure I'm not skimping.
Stop neglecting my husband. Now, we both knew that things would be a little harder when I started school. He has to pull more of his weight around the house; cleaning, shopping, meals, etc. And he has REALLY stepped up to the plate! (Have I mentioned that I couldn't do it without him?? Gosh, I love that man.) But by adhering better to my studying goals/schedule, I will have more time to spend with him. I shudder to think how much time I waste on facebook or just procrastinating around, when I could be saving it and spending it with him. Also, after a long, stressful/exciting day, I want to talk all about it. I mean, I do ask the required, "How was your day, honey?" but for the most part all I do is talk about me me me me. It's selfish and it's unacceptable. Also, I'm embarrassed to admit how long it's been since we had some bedroom time. My goal is to make the effort to be intimate at LEAST once a week. Now, when I say intimate I don't necessarily mean sexytime. I mean accomplishing my study goals and going and just SEEING the guy! Talk to him. Give him a hug and a kiss! BE PRESENT. And whatever follows, well, great :)
Be a Listener. Kind of goes with what I was saying above. I worry I might be an over-sharer and that it might come off as being self-centered or selfish. When people are talking about themselves, in my mind, a good way to bond is to share about myself in relation to the topic they were talking about. But I don't want to be the person people know way too much about, I want to be a Listener. That person you can go to and really be heard. Also, I think it never hurts to be more observant and introspective.
Get the FUCK off FACEBOOK. I waste so much time there. 98% of that time I'm on it, I'm just being nosy and procrastinating doing what I actually should be. My goal is to take a week long hiatus and see where I'm at. How hard was it? Do I have a lot more free time? Am I getting more done? It also kind of relates to the sharing less thing. People that half the time I wouldn't say 'Hi' to in the street really don't need or want to know most of what I'm doing on a daily basis! It's just not that interesting. (For the record, I totally don't count this blog. I consider this my journal, so it falls under the introspection category ;]) I think my overall goal regarding Facebook for the long haul would be for it to not be a daily occurrence, more like a pop in once a week and see what people are up to kind of thing. But like I said, I'll start with a week and see.
I think that about covers it. Now that you've seen my faults, you must think I'm a pretty awesome person, huh. Selfish, gluttonous, lazy. I know, until now you thought I was perfect. It's like when you first realized your parents have sex. Rocks you to the very core.
:D
I'll keep you posted on how it all goes. Wish me luck!
I was ahead for so many weeks.
Then I slacked a little and was just doing things as they were assigned/needed.
And now I'm officially behind.
And it is a lot and all, but it is still completely my fault that I lost my lead.
I've been lazy
and procrastinating.
So tonight, it stops!
Tomorrow I am going to do all the crap I've been meaning to and planning on and putting off until tomorrow.(((I know it's a bit ironic to talk about not procrastinating tomorrow, but today really is a lost cause.)))
I'm going to DO my stinking HOMEWORK! And I guess when I say this, I don't mean homework per se, I mean more like do the assigned readings BEFORE the lecture like I was. And finish my clinical paperwork the same night instead of three nights later right before it's due.
I'm going to follow my calendar. No more last minute re-working to make more time for procrastinating.
Eat healthy. I'm going to stop using food as a crutch for comfort because "I've had a hard day." Eating healthy is a must and if I'm going to be able to keep up with this grueling school schedule, I need to be nourished! Hydration will be a big priority and I'll use the My Plate guideline like I know I should (my nutrition professor would be proud), meaning half veggies and fruits and one quarter protein and one quarter carbs -Complex carbs, that is- oh and don't forget that dairy :) Milk with dinner from now on. Though, for the record, reasonable, nightly desserts will not be denied me.
Exercise. Twice a week minimum. I always mean to and I never do! I did well this summer, but since the semester began it's completely gone by the wayside. I always have all these excuses about why I won't or shouldn't, but the fact of the matter is, it's like a natural caffeine high! It'll help me stay awake during the day and fall asleep at a normal time at night. I don't have a gym membership and really want one (our local gym has a pool, which is my FAVE thing to do for exercise!) But it's expensive and I want to make sure I'm really going to use it (unlike my husband who has had his membership for 2 and a half years and hasn't gone in 2 of those -.-) before I go and shell out all this money. So, if I keep up working out at least 2 times a week (of course, the more often the better, but that's a good starting point) I will get a membership. In the meantime, running on the local middle school track or around the neighborhood (although, the pavement really hurts my joints) is free! Or calisthenics in my living room. Or I could start up Insanity again?? Though, I really think I want to wait and be a little more in shape than I am now to jump on that train again... Anyways...
Meditate when I get home from school or clinicals. I need to make sure I'm managing my stress levels to stay healthy and that's a great way to do it. Also, I think it will help me get centered and focused on what I need to accomplish for the evening or next day. I think I'll start with 5-10 minutes, probably setting my phone alarm in the beginning to make sure I'm not skimping.
Stop neglecting my husband. Now, we both knew that things would be a little harder when I started school. He has to pull more of his weight around the house; cleaning, shopping, meals, etc. And he has REALLY stepped up to the plate! (Have I mentioned that I couldn't do it without him?? Gosh, I love that man.) But by adhering better to my studying goals/schedule, I will have more time to spend with him. I shudder to think how much time I waste on facebook or just procrastinating around, when I could be saving it and spending it with him. Also, after a long, stressful/exciting day, I want to talk all about it. I mean, I do ask the required, "How was your day, honey?" but for the most part all I do is talk about me me me me. It's selfish and it's unacceptable. Also, I'm embarrassed to admit how long it's been since we had some bedroom time. My goal is to make the effort to be intimate at LEAST once a week. Now, when I say intimate I don't necessarily mean sexytime. I mean accomplishing my study goals and going and just SEEING the guy! Talk to him. Give him a hug and a kiss! BE PRESENT. And whatever follows, well, great :)
Be a Listener. Kind of goes with what I was saying above. I worry I might be an over-sharer and that it might come off as being self-centered or selfish. When people are talking about themselves, in my mind, a good way to bond is to share about myself in relation to the topic they were talking about. But I don't want to be the person people know way too much about, I want to be a Listener. That person you can go to and really be heard. Also, I think it never hurts to be more observant and introspective.
Get the FUCK off FACEBOOK. I waste so much time there. 98% of that time I'm on it, I'm just being nosy and procrastinating doing what I actually should be. My goal is to take a week long hiatus and see where I'm at. How hard was it? Do I have a lot more free time? Am I getting more done? It also kind of relates to the sharing less thing. People that half the time I wouldn't say 'Hi' to in the street really don't need or want to know most of what I'm doing on a daily basis! It's just not that interesting. (For the record, I totally don't count this blog. I consider this my journal, so it falls under the introspection category ;]) I think my overall goal regarding Facebook for the long haul would be for it to not be a daily occurrence, more like a pop in once a week and see what people are up to kind of thing. But like I said, I'll start with a week and see.
I think that about covers it. Now that you've seen my faults, you must think I'm a pretty awesome person, huh. Selfish, gluttonous, lazy. I know, until now you thought I was perfect. It's like when you first realized your parents have sex. Rocks you to the very core.
:D
I'll keep you posted on how it all goes. Wish me luck!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Okay, so I removed my rant about my stupid neighbors. I vented and it's over! I will remain patient and be the bigger person. You're welcome world.
Last night was a very fun evening. I really wish I could have gotten some hard-core studying in, but so life goes. Back in May, I bought my mother-in-law, sister-in-law and (step-)Mom (whom I consider to be a true mother figure, step or otherwise) tickets to a basic wine tasting course. We've been trying and trying to make the time and hadn't been able to till now! So studying be damned, sometimes life is a little more important :)
I picked everyone op, we drove the hour out to the beautiful Texas Hill Country and arrived at this beautiful place that was a lot more modern looking than I expected. I'm not really sure what I expected, but apparently this wasn't it! There was a neighboring ranch with ponies, llamas, cattle and donkeys just hanging out and observing people. It was really cute.
The wine tasting was a lot of fun and veryyy tasty. They taught what the different aspects of the wine meant. Like the opacity indicates age or slurping can actually help you identify differing, complex notes. The lady directing the class did a great job of speaking slow enough where we all really got what she was saying, but not so slow it was boring. It was a fun, friendly atmosphere.
After the tasting we sat outside for just a bit, went over to see the animals and chatted. Then headed to a DELISH local Italian restaurant. You never know what could unfold when you bring two different families together, but it went off without a hitch and a fun time was had by all.
After I dropped off my mother- and sister-in-law, I went back to my Mom's and had coffee. My sisters weren't there and my brother was off in his lair doing his own thing, so I got some unusual one-on-one (well, one-on-two) time with my parents. It was so nice. I really appreciated the time. We talked about what was going on in our lives, I talked about school, my dad talked about his business. We talked religion and politics in a philosophical way, which I thoroughly enjoy. We talked about the past, present and future and I really appreciated it.
It made me very aware of how time flies and how the time we get with each other really is very precious! Even though I almost have to check out of life for these next two years of nursing school, I can't check out completely. And I have to be aware of what I'm actually sacrificing and really try not to sacrifice too much. Balance is important.
God, I can't wait till I'm done with this school chapter. And I get to have a life! And do normal people things. Cannot. Freaking. Wait.
Sigh. But I know that time will come.
Anyways, we stayed up till 2am talking and laughing. I got home not too long after, showered and hit the hay.
And today... Well, I have had a very productive day today... Especially in light of the fact that I have clinical paperwork to do and seven chapters to read. Um, NOT. :D
I slept in until 10am. Woops... Spent nearly an hour eating breakfast and watching two episodes of How I Met Your Mother. Then top-to-bottom sanitized, cleaned and re-organized the fridge for an hour. Then went on the computer and watched funny pet videos for an hour and then I watched/cried about animal rescue videos for an hour.
On a totally off topic branching of this post:
Animals really do touch my heart.
I want to save them all.
The fact that some animals are born and suffer their whole lives just hurts my soul.
I just can't stand it sometimes.
Helping them is probably the most important, special goal in my life.
To me, getting through nursing school is what will enable me to help these animals.
Once I am an RN and have a job and we can get financially stable,
options open up. You have the money and the resources and time to actually make a difference.
It will still be hard, but even if I can only help one dog or cat at a time, saving one life is worth all of the struggle.
Unfortunately in the mean time, with a 70 hour school week between class, studying and clinicals, I don't get to help much. But I do what I can. Help find homes. Try to donate here and there, even if it's only a little time or a little money. But it's all that I can give.
And one day, maybe I'll reach my dreams of having my own rescue. And maybe, if I'm really lucky, I can be an advocate politically for them too.
Anyways, I'm pretty sure this was by far my most disjointed, strange and wandering post yet. And I'm almost sorry, but I'm glad that I'm putting all of this stuff down uninhibited. I like being able to look back. Also, I like to use these entries as a kind of therapy. I can't really understand why writing with no intention for others to read it makes me feel better, but it really does.
Last night was a very fun evening. I really wish I could have gotten some hard-core studying in, but so life goes. Back in May, I bought my mother-in-law, sister-in-law and (step-)Mom (whom I consider to be a true mother figure, step or otherwise) tickets to a basic wine tasting course. We've been trying and trying to make the time and hadn't been able to till now! So studying be damned, sometimes life is a little more important :)
I picked everyone op, we drove the hour out to the beautiful Texas Hill Country and arrived at this beautiful place that was a lot more modern looking than I expected. I'm not really sure what I expected, but apparently this wasn't it! There was a neighboring ranch with ponies, llamas, cattle and donkeys just hanging out and observing people. It was really cute.
The wine tasting was a lot of fun and veryyy tasty. They taught what the different aspects of the wine meant. Like the opacity indicates age or slurping can actually help you identify differing, complex notes. The lady directing the class did a great job of speaking slow enough where we all really got what she was saying, but not so slow it was boring. It was a fun, friendly atmosphere.
After the tasting we sat outside for just a bit, went over to see the animals and chatted. Then headed to a DELISH local Italian restaurant. You never know what could unfold when you bring two different families together, but it went off without a hitch and a fun time was had by all.
After I dropped off my mother- and sister-in-law, I went back to my Mom's and had coffee. My sisters weren't there and my brother was off in his lair doing his own thing, so I got some unusual one-on-one (well, one-on-two) time with my parents. It was so nice. I really appreciated the time. We talked about what was going on in our lives, I talked about school, my dad talked about his business. We talked religion and politics in a philosophical way, which I thoroughly enjoy. We talked about the past, present and future and I really appreciated it.
It made me very aware of how time flies and how the time we get with each other really is very precious! Even though I almost have to check out of life for these next two years of nursing school, I can't check out completely. And I have to be aware of what I'm actually sacrificing and really try not to sacrifice too much. Balance is important.
God, I can't wait till I'm done with this school chapter. And I get to have a life! And do normal people things. Cannot. Freaking. Wait.
Sigh. But I know that time will come.
Anyways, we stayed up till 2am talking and laughing. I got home not too long after, showered and hit the hay.
And today... Well, I have had a very productive day today... Especially in light of the fact that I have clinical paperwork to do and seven chapters to read. Um, NOT. :D
I slept in until 10am. Woops... Spent nearly an hour eating breakfast and watching two episodes of How I Met Your Mother. Then top-to-bottom sanitized, cleaned and re-organized the fridge for an hour. Then went on the computer and watched funny pet videos for an hour and then I watched/cried about animal rescue videos for an hour.
On a totally off topic branching of this post:
Animals really do touch my heart.
I want to save them all.
The fact that some animals are born and suffer their whole lives just hurts my soul.
I just can't stand it sometimes.
Helping them is probably the most important, special goal in my life.
To me, getting through nursing school is what will enable me to help these animals.
Once I am an RN and have a job and we can get financially stable,
options open up. You have the money and the resources and time to actually make a difference.
It will still be hard, but even if I can only help one dog or cat at a time, saving one life is worth all of the struggle.
Unfortunately in the mean time, with a 70 hour school week between class, studying and clinicals, I don't get to help much. But I do what I can. Help find homes. Try to donate here and there, even if it's only a little time or a little money. But it's all that I can give.
And one day, maybe I'll reach my dreams of having my own rescue. And maybe, if I'm really lucky, I can be an advocate politically for them too.
Anyways, I'm pretty sure this was by far my most disjointed, strange and wandering post yet. And I'm almost sorry, but I'm glad that I'm putting all of this stuff down uninhibited. I like being able to look back. Also, I like to use these entries as a kind of therapy. I can't really understand why writing with no intention for others to read it makes me feel better, but it really does.
The First Day I Didn't Get A Migraine
!!!!!!
I don't know if it was because I subconsciously was more relaxed than the other clinical days? Was it because I really tried to stay hydrated? Ate a snack? Took some ibuprofen BEFORE the crippling headache started? I DON'T KNOW. But it was wonderful.
The day was actually pretty good, too. I mean, I'm still as clueless as ever, but our patient got discharged last night and so we got to shadow the two RNs on the floor. It was really interesting and extremely helpful to get to see what their days are actually like!
Now about RNs. They are not only psychic and can simultaneously anticipate what the patient needs and any of my stupid questions, but apparently they have bionic hearing too? I felt about a half hour behind everything she did, lol. She would overhear me talking to a patient (6 doors down? wha??) and come speeding in with whatever the patient wanted or needed before I even had time to turn around and leave the room.
I have to laugh at myself again, for my cluelessness. She asked me to get her "Some petroleum jelly, a bag of saline, two secondaries and a primary." and like the faithful little retriever dog I am, I nodded and walked purposefully off to the supply room... On the way realizing... What the fuck are secondaries and primaries? I REALLY didn't want to have to go back and ask her so I scoured the room for anything with those words on it. Lol. And then I realized I didn't know what size saline?? So I just grabbed whatever bag looked similar to the one she had. Oh yeah and it took me like ten freaking minutes to find the jelly. Holy God I felt like such an idiot! But I managed to bring it back within the half hour and she didn't even ask why it took me so long. Bless her.
I asked her how long it took for this feeling to end. She laughed and said about six months after she first started working. 0.0 I'm going to feel this lost for that long! *cries* And she added not to lose hope, that your brain will be complete mush for the first year and that's normal. *cries again*
I have this extreme perfectionistic streak in me that I have got to let go of if I'm going to make it through nursing school! Yes, I am going to look like a moron 99% of the time. Yes, I am going to make a lot of mistakes. Most of them really stupid. Yes, I am going to be embarrassed and awkward probably for quite some time. And I just need to accept that! Trying to be "perfect" is completely outside of the world of possibilities and trying to aim for that is just going to make me lose my mind.
SO, in an effort to finally accept these facts I've decided that if I leave on Fridays intact and not on some sort of anti-psychotic med, that the week was a success. THAT will be my new goal, lol, not my previous goal of 'Try not to be clueless.'
I don't know if it was because I subconsciously was more relaxed than the other clinical days? Was it because I really tried to stay hydrated? Ate a snack? Took some ibuprofen BEFORE the crippling headache started? I DON'T KNOW. But it was wonderful.
The day was actually pretty good, too. I mean, I'm still as clueless as ever, but our patient got discharged last night and so we got to shadow the two RNs on the floor. It was really interesting and extremely helpful to get to see what their days are actually like!
Now about RNs. They are not only psychic and can simultaneously anticipate what the patient needs and any of my stupid questions, but apparently they have bionic hearing too? I felt about a half hour behind everything she did, lol. She would overhear me talking to a patient (6 doors down? wha??) and come speeding in with whatever the patient wanted or needed before I even had time to turn around and leave the room.
I have to laugh at myself again, for my cluelessness. She asked me to get her "Some petroleum jelly, a bag of saline, two secondaries and a primary." and like the faithful little retriever dog I am, I nodded and walked purposefully off to the supply room... On the way realizing... What the fuck are secondaries and primaries? I REALLY didn't want to have to go back and ask her so I scoured the room for anything with those words on it. Lol. And then I realized I didn't know what size saline?? So I just grabbed whatever bag looked similar to the one she had. Oh yeah and it took me like ten freaking minutes to find the jelly. Holy God I felt like such an idiot! But I managed to bring it back within the half hour and she didn't even ask why it took me so long. Bless her.
I asked her how long it took for this feeling to end. She laughed and said about six months after she first started working. 0.0 I'm going to feel this lost for that long! *cries* And she added not to lose hope, that your brain will be complete mush for the first year and that's normal. *cries again*
I have this extreme perfectionistic streak in me that I have got to let go of if I'm going to make it through nursing school! Yes, I am going to look like a moron 99% of the time. Yes, I am going to make a lot of mistakes. Most of them really stupid. Yes, I am going to be embarrassed and awkward probably for quite some time. And I just need to accept that! Trying to be "perfect" is completely outside of the world of possibilities and trying to aim for that is just going to make me lose my mind.
SO, in an effort to finally accept these facts I've decided that if I leave on Fridays intact and not on some sort of anti-psychotic med, that the week was a success. THAT will be my new goal, lol, not my previous goal of 'Try not to be clueless.'
Thursday, September 20, 2012
The long road ahead,
seems longer today.
Is it Thanksgiving yet??
Cause I could really use a break.
Second week of clinicals today. Me and my partner were in the Oncology unit (and will be again, tomorrow. Back to med-surg for the remaining 3 weeks of this rotation.) But first, let me tell you about last week...
Last week (med-surg unit) was an exercise in patience and humility. I felt like an absolute moron. And most of my classmates did too-which made me feel a little better-but I hate feeling so clueless! You don't know where anything is, what the normal routine is, how to act/deal with people, patients, nurses, doctors. Also, no matter how out of the way you try to be, you're going to be in SOMEONE'S way. There were moments where I just wanted to melt into the wall. And let me tell you, this is not my personality! I'm usually pretty good at being calm, cool and collected under stress. Now, I did manage that on the outside (or so my classmates say...), but on the inside! OH, no.
Also, it didn't help that our nurse was kind of... Well, I don't want to say bitchy...
I try to remember that we don't know what's going on in her personal life or what kind of day she has had, but she was just so rude! Any question you asked her (and granted, I'm sure we asked some stuuupid questions) she would roll her eyes or be really snotty. Now, I know she's got 7 patients that need about 100 things right now, but short and succinct would do. I don't need to be coddled, just don't make me feel even worse than I do! So after a few times where you ask or tell her something and she goes and laughs about your idiocy with her friends (Happened. Twice.), you begin to REALLY dread going over to her.
The CNA's were super nice though. And this merciful RN who we traded answers for stupid questions, for running her lab specimens and such around. We were glad to do it, we want to help! That's what were here for. Learning and helping. But again, every time in passing we would ask if we could do anything for our nurse she'd say no and run away from us as fast as possible.
I'm sure I'm missing something and this is somehow my fault, but it was very unpleasant. I mean, I didn't expect a cake walk, but feeling like I have to suit up for battle to report to her is very taxing.
Also, I had two partners. One (the one I'm partnered with today and tomorrow) is really sweet and pleasant to be with. However, the OTHER one, not so much. She really doesn't deal with stress well. She is EXTREMELY patronizing about the most inane things. She is a big question asker. She asks questions about everything. Which, on principle, I don't mind. But don't bother our teacher or nurse with a question that we can find out ourselves. Or my favorite, when she is doing something wrong or forgetting something and me or the other partner reminds her, she proceeds to ignore us, and the teacher/nurse walks by and corrects us -.-
SIGH. But I never have to be partnered with her, again. HALLELUJAH.
So fast forward to this morning. I was EXTREMELY nervous about getting an unpleasant nurse again and being on a different unit where everything is different, again. But it turns out, our RN was REALLY nice. She didn't baby us or anything, but she also didn't scoff when I asked her how they did this thing or that. We got to be a lot more involved than we were in the med-surg and that was really, really nice. I want to be like a sponge while I'm at the hospital and soak every bit of information I can!
Although, inevitably, it was hard to see the reality of the oncology unit. Unfortunately, I am not as much of a stranger to it as I wish I was, as I have had all too many friends and family have to battle the big C. But seeing it from a caretaker's perspective was different. Our patient actually only had benign tumors that were only removed because the sheer size and placement of them were interfering with normal functioning, but there were some very sick people in there.
I think I pulled it off okay, but on the inside, I just didn't know what to do or how to act. I just want to help them so badly! There were some very special people we got to meet today and that does give me renewed inspiration to get through this and get out into the world and really help some people! But at the same time, it reminded me what a long road this is.
When will I ever feel like I have a clue?? I'm afraid that answer might be never.
And my last little bit in the nursing school vent-fest, is my headaches! I don't know if it's stress, dehydration or not being used to not eating for 7-8 hours, but by the fifth hour I have a near debilitating migraine working up to a fever pitch in my head. Every day we've gone to clinicals I've gotten one. And on a 0-10 scale I would say they were at least a 7. The kind where I go home, take 800mg of ibuprofen, crawl into the fetal position in bed and try to sleep it off. Thus my game plan for tomorrow includes subbing my usual morning coffee for a couple glasses of water (okay, well maybe half a cup of coffee!), trying to run by the water fountain once an hour and bring a granola bar to stow in my pocket so right around 10/11 I'll try to sneak away for a minute and scarf it down. Also, I might bring a couple ibuprofen in like my contacts case or something to take preventatively, before the time the headaches have been starting.
Hopefully it works!
Is it Thanksgiving yet??
Cause I could really use a break.
Second week of clinicals today. Me and my partner were in the Oncology unit (and will be again, tomorrow. Back to med-surg for the remaining 3 weeks of this rotation.) But first, let me tell you about last week...
Last week (med-surg unit) was an exercise in patience and humility. I felt like an absolute moron. And most of my classmates did too-which made me feel a little better-but I hate feeling so clueless! You don't know where anything is, what the normal routine is, how to act/deal with people, patients, nurses, doctors. Also, no matter how out of the way you try to be, you're going to be in SOMEONE'S way. There were moments where I just wanted to melt into the wall. And let me tell you, this is not my personality! I'm usually pretty good at being calm, cool and collected under stress. Now, I did manage that on the outside (or so my classmates say...), but on the inside! OH, no.
Also, it didn't help that our nurse was kind of... Well, I don't want to say bitchy...
I try to remember that we don't know what's going on in her personal life or what kind of day she has had, but she was just so rude! Any question you asked her (and granted, I'm sure we asked some stuuupid questions) she would roll her eyes or be really snotty. Now, I know she's got 7 patients that need about 100 things right now, but short and succinct would do. I don't need to be coddled, just don't make me feel even worse than I do! So after a few times where you ask or tell her something and she goes and laughs about your idiocy with her friends (Happened. Twice.), you begin to REALLY dread going over to her.
The CNA's were super nice though. And this merciful RN who we traded answers for stupid questions, for running her lab specimens and such around. We were glad to do it, we want to help! That's what were here for. Learning and helping. But again, every time in passing we would ask if we could do anything for our nurse she'd say no and run away from us as fast as possible.
I'm sure I'm missing something and this is somehow my fault, but it was very unpleasant. I mean, I didn't expect a cake walk, but feeling like I have to suit up for battle to report to her is very taxing.
Also, I had two partners. One (the one I'm partnered with today and tomorrow) is really sweet and pleasant to be with. However, the OTHER one, not so much. She really doesn't deal with stress well. She is EXTREMELY patronizing about the most inane things. She is a big question asker. She asks questions about everything. Which, on principle, I don't mind. But don't bother our teacher or nurse with a question that we can find out ourselves. Or my favorite, when she is doing something wrong or forgetting something and me or the other partner reminds her, she proceeds to ignore us, and the teacher/nurse walks by and corrects us -.-
SIGH. But I never have to be partnered with her, again. HALLELUJAH.
So fast forward to this morning. I was EXTREMELY nervous about getting an unpleasant nurse again and being on a different unit where everything is different, again. But it turns out, our RN was REALLY nice. She didn't baby us or anything, but she also didn't scoff when I asked her how they did this thing or that. We got to be a lot more involved than we were in the med-surg and that was really, really nice. I want to be like a sponge while I'm at the hospital and soak every bit of information I can!
Although, inevitably, it was hard to see the reality of the oncology unit. Unfortunately, I am not as much of a stranger to it as I wish I was, as I have had all too many friends and family have to battle the big C. But seeing it from a caretaker's perspective was different. Our patient actually only had benign tumors that were only removed because the sheer size and placement of them were interfering with normal functioning, but there were some very sick people in there.
I think I pulled it off okay, but on the inside, I just didn't know what to do or how to act. I just want to help them so badly! There were some very special people we got to meet today and that does give me renewed inspiration to get through this and get out into the world and really help some people! But at the same time, it reminded me what a long road this is.
When will I ever feel like I have a clue?? I'm afraid that answer might be never.
And my last little bit in the nursing school vent-fest, is my headaches! I don't know if it's stress, dehydration or not being used to not eating for 7-8 hours, but by the fifth hour I have a near debilitating migraine working up to a fever pitch in my head. Every day we've gone to clinicals I've gotten one. And on a 0-10 scale I would say they were at least a 7. The kind where I go home, take 800mg of ibuprofen, crawl into the fetal position in bed and try to sleep it off. Thus my game plan for tomorrow includes subbing my usual morning coffee for a couple glasses of water (okay, well maybe half a cup of coffee!), trying to run by the water fountain once an hour and bring a granola bar to stow in my pocket so right around 10/11 I'll try to sneak away for a minute and scarf it down. Also, I might bring a couple ibuprofen in like my contacts case or something to take preventatively, before the time the headaches have been starting.
Hopefully it works!
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Only 24 hours in a day.
My husband's birthday is today. And as much as I love him and love celebrating birthdays...
Had to clean house from 8 to 11
because my birth-mom and step-dad are coming into town.
Lunch soon with my birth-mom and step-dad.
Dinner with his parents and sister.
Promised to spend time with him after dinner.
Six chapters to read for Tuesday and Wednesday lecture.
Clinical paperwork due Monday at 8am.
Exam Tuesday morning. Much review and studying necessary.
When am I going to get all of this done??
I essentially only have 3 hours of potential study time today and I have a feeling that will end up being MUCH less. So I guess the best I can do is prioritize.
First is clinical paperwork. DEFINITELY DONE TODAY.
Next the exam studying!
I suppose I'll save the reading for last because I at least have two more weeks to catch up till the exam.
Sigh! Why does life have to keep going when I'm in nursing school. Isn't there a pause button somewhere???
Had to clean house from 8 to 11
because my birth-mom and step-dad are coming into town.
Lunch soon with my birth-mom and step-dad.
Dinner with his parents and sister.
Promised to spend time with him after dinner.
Six chapters to read for Tuesday and Wednesday lecture.
Clinical paperwork due Monday at 8am.
Exam Tuesday morning. Much review and studying necessary.
When am I going to get all of this done??
I essentially only have 3 hours of potential study time today and I have a feeling that will end up being MUCH less. So I guess the best I can do is prioritize.
First is clinical paperwork. DEFINITELY DONE TODAY.
Next the exam studying!
I suppose I'll save the reading for last because I at least have two more weeks to catch up till the exam.
Sigh! Why does life have to keep going when I'm in nursing school. Isn't there a pause button somewhere???
Monday, September 10, 2012
Why is it
that the more I have on my to-do list,
the less motivation I have to do it?
3 chapters I need to read today. About 65 pages.
To retain, do my assignments and notes, I read about 5 pages an hour.
That's almost 13 hours and it's already noon.
And all I want to do?
ANYTHING else.
Doing the dishes and folding laundry never seemed so interesting...
What's with my lack of motivation this weekend??
I'd like to say it's from study overload,
but I suspect it might stem from a lack of discipline/laziness.
No, course not.
It's not me, it's school.
Right.
the less motivation I have to do it?
3 chapters I need to read today. About 65 pages.
To retain, do my assignments and notes, I read about 5 pages an hour.
That's almost 13 hours and it's already noon.
And all I want to do?
ANYTHING else.
Doing the dishes and folding laundry never seemed so interesting...
What's with my lack of motivation this weekend??
I'd like to say it's from study overload,
but I suspect it might stem from a lack of discipline/laziness.
No, course not.
It's not me, it's school.
Right.
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